Barbra Announces Eschaton; Ex-FEMA Jehovah Unavailable for Comment

In the wake of Barbra Streisand's announcement of the apocalypse, a new kind of 'blame game' has gripped the ether. "We are in a global warming emergency state and these storms are going to become more frequent, more intense," the singer, actress, and liberal activist told Diane Sawyer of ABC News.

Unavailable for comment, a Levite spokesman for Jehovah said that "He had not been told of such plans." Adonai was seen with Dick Cheney entering the sanctum sanctorum in Jerusalem late Sunday. As He and Cheney passed between Jachin and Boaz for some 'down' time, He held his hand to His ear in a Reaganesque gesture.

In the wake of two hurricanes caused by George Bush, Streisand questioned the structure of godhead. Senator Dianne Feinstein called for an independent inquiry. "YHWH made it clear in a 1993 interview with Forrest Sawyer that He has had a plan for the Eschaton in effect 'since before ex nihilo,'" His Levite priest reiterated.

In a late-breaking story, Hillary Clinton says she will not vote for Judge Roberts.