The Amazing Truth About Chuck Norris
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "F***ing."
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck,
and Chuck Norris.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use
to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At
night.It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with
lactose's s**t.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "Booya".
Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
God bless America.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "F***ing."
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.
Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck,
and Chuck Norris.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use
to kill you, including the room itself.
Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At
night.It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with
lactose's s**t.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "Booya".
Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
God bless America.
posted by webmaster at 13:10
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