"Poor Terrence Higgins!" Or, "Why Must The English Teach Their Children How To..."

LONDON (Reuters) - Hundreds of Britons are being urged to attend what is being branded as Europe's first "Masturbate-a-thon", a leading reproductive healthcare charity said on Friday. Marie Stopes International, which is hosting the event with HIV/AIDS charity the Terrence Higgins Trust, said it expected up to 200 people to attend the sponsored masturbation session in Clerkenwell, central London, on Saturday.

Right, full marks for Frank Muir's team. We would also have accepted "I Could Have Wanked All Night" or, for the sly ones (who want to know where to come for the rally), "In Spaiiiinnn! In Spaiiiinnn!"