Go Go Chipolopolo!

Zimbabwe and Zambia played out a 1-1 draw in Harare in Saturday's friendly, as part of their Nations Cup preparations.

George Mbwando put the Warriors ahead in the 63rd minute, although television replays suggested that he pushed the ball in with his hand.

But Adubelo Phiri ensured the Chipolopolo were not beaten, equalising from close range in the 85th minute.

Zimbabwe Captain Peter Ndlovu hit the crossbar twice and showed that he will be a key player for his side at Egypt 2006, along with midfielder Esrom Nyandoro.

It's Like A Jungle Sometimes It Makes Me Wonder

All my children in the daytime, dallas at night
Can’t even see the game or the sugar ray fight
Bill collectors they ring my phone
And scare my wife when I’m not home
Got a bum education, double-digit inflation
Can’t take the train to the job, there’s a strike
At the station
Me on king kong standin’ on my back
Can’t stop to turn around, broke my sacroiliac
Midrange, migraine, cancered membrane
Sometimes I think I’m going insane

Brokeback Mountain, the Prequel

"Robert Redford used to be such a handsome man and now look at him: everything has dropped, expanded and turned a funny colour."--Georgie Best

An Open Letter to Boycott Graztourismus

Dear Tourism Bureau,
As an Austrian-American, I wish to communicate to you the shame you have cast on our whole community through the shabby treatment of Gov. Arnold, mit the taking his name off the sports palace. The Marchls won't be coming to Graz anytime soon.

What did you hope to hope to accomplish with this foolishness of the most cowardly variety? Obviously, Graz must condone shooting people in the back. That's how Tookie Williams killed. That's what the Graz burgermeister did to Arnold.


I was proud to watch "The Sound of Music" mit our little girl and son, Willy.
I was proud to show them Georg Von Trapp and real courage. We sang 'Edelweiss' mit our little girl like always. Courage lives in American with Governor Arnold and the rest of the Austrian-American, Republican bodybuilders.

Chuck Norris refuses to 'rumble' until Link Wray's Second Coming

Born May 2nd, 1929 in Dunn, North Carolina, Link is three quarters Shawnee Indian. At the age of eight, he learned to play the guitar from Hambone, an African-American man who was travelling with Barnum and Bailey’s circus. He noticed Link on the porch banging his Maybelle-guitar. (Click the title to see Link's birthplace.)

At the age of fifteen, Link paid twenty dollars a night to sit in with the country and western musician Tex Ritter (High Noon) in order to further his musical knowledge. He also played with Wild Bill Elliot.

1945-47 Link played western swing with Sheriff Tex Davis, who wrote Be Bop A Lula, for Gene Vincent. Link played with his brother Doug and first cousin Shorty Horton.

1953 While playing with Jimmy Dean, Link received advance guitar instruction from Chick Webb. Link also played at the Hank Williams memorial that year. (Link knew Hank’s mother.)

1955 Link is invited home by Elvis Presley on a couple of occasions.

1956 In Fredricksburg, Virginia a fight broke out in the audience and while onstage, like a bolt of lightening, Link got the idea for the instrumental Rumble.

2005 November 21 Link dies in Copenhagen. Skol! Happy Days!

Complete Annotated Dead Lyrics Published

Did he doubt or did he try?
Answers aplenty in the bye and bye
Talk about your plenty, talk about your ills
One man gathers what another man spills

Willie The Wandering Gypsy

Three fingers whiskey,pleasures the drinkers
And moving does more than the same things for me
Willie he tells me that doers and thinkers
Say moving is the closest thing to being free

Well he's rosined his reggins,laid back his wages
He's dead set on riding in the big rodeo
My woman's tired with an overdue baby
Willie keeps yelling hey gypsy let's go

Willie you're wild as a Texas blue northern
Ready rolled from the same makins as me
I reckon we're gonna ramble till hell freezes over
Willie the wandering gypsy and me

Jr. Walker No Shows Execution Concert

When Junior Walker and the All-Stars were a no show at San Quentin for the execution vigil of Stanley Williams, a reluctant Joan Baez came forward. To protestations of "Oh, I couldn't possibly" and "I don't have a song prepared," she sang a soulful spiritual. Of course, Walker was slated to do his number one hit "Shotgun," an unofficial anthem of a generation. Said Baez, "That punk-ass Dylan beat me to Hurricane Carter," in a high five with "BJ" Farrell. "Where is he now?" Meanwhile, it was reported that inside the facility, Scott Peterson and Charles Manson 'kited' chess moves between their locked down cells.

"Hans Brix, you breakin' my balls, Hans Brix!"

Nuclear watchdog agency chief Mohamed ElBaradei warned today in accepting the 2005 Nobel Peace Prize that humanity faces a choice between nuclear weapons and survival.

ElBaradei shared the coveted award with his International Atomic Energy Agency - cited for their drive to control the spread of nuclear weapons, especially to terrorists.

“If we hope to escape self-destruction, then I believe nuclear weapons should have no place in our collective conscience, and no role in our security,” ElBaradei said in his acceptance speech.

“The hard part is: How do we create an environment in which all of us would look at nuclear weapons the way we look at slavery or genocide, as a taboo and a historical anomaly?” he said in thanking the Nobel committee for the honour.

And what makes you think we'll give away the general store, you dipshit?

Ave Atque Vale

His words ring true to current events: "Have a Coke and a smile and shut the f*&k up!"

The Amazing Truth About Chuck Norris

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.



Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "F***ing."

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.

Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck,
and Chuck Norris.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use
to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At
night.It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with
lactose's s**t.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up; he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "Booya".

Similar to a Russian Nesting Doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open you would find another Chuck Norris inside, only smaller and angrier.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

God bless America.

Our Lady of Connecticut

Coulter poked fun at liberals and defended President George W. Bush, but her speech was interrupted by boos after she made several comments about gays, only to stir up snickering and boos up on the balcony. "I think we have a long way to go with censorship when we have 'Will and Grace' on TV," Coulter said as she laughed. "I think someone finally got the joke in the liberal section."
One student shouted, "I want my money back." "That was an affecting response by the liberals," she said in response. "And it took them two months to come up with that."
A South Park song, "Kyle's mom is a big fat bitch,"

broke out, and some students jeered. One student asked what would Coulter do if she had a gay son. "Did I tell you, you were adopted, " Coulter answered.

D. Allan Kerr on The Tookster

In a classic old 1938 movie called "Angels with Dirty Faces," gangster Jimmy Cagney is sent to the electric chair. His boyhood chum, priest Pat O’Brien (not the "Access Hollywood" guy), asks the Cagney character, Rocky Sullivan, to debunk his tough-guy image so the Dead End Kids who idolize him won’t follow in his path. I can’t do that, Cagney says, it’s the only thing I got left. But as he’s being led to the execution chamber, Cagney suddenly starts wailing, struggling to break free from his guards. He literally has to be dragged into the chamber.

"Rocky Dies Yellow -- Killer Coward to the End," the headlines scream the next day. The Dead End kids can’t believe it. Is it true, Fadda? They ask O’Brien. Yes it is, boys, he says. Then at the end of the movie he leads them out to church to "pray for somebody who couldn’t run as fast as me."

If the battle over Tookie’s fate is truly a question of what would best benefit the world in which he introduced such horror, and if the man is now at peace with himself and his God, wouldn’t that kind of sacrifice go a long way toward his genuine redemption?

"When You're Hot, You're Hot!"--Jerry Reed

Jason A. writes: "I know of a waitress in a restaurant of a neighboring town who uses duct tape to enhance her figure. She takes the excess "rolls" of flab around her waist, rolls them up and tapes them flat to her belly. I guess you could say it's a 'Redneck Tummy Tuck!'


Heeeeeee-Haaawwwwww!

PsyOp: SOG PBR "Streetgang"

Go ahead and mash the title to cut on the video.

Welcome to Room 63!

After weeks of delay and legal arguments over security and the legitimacy of the court, the trial of Saddam and seven co- defendants on charges of crimes against humanity heard confusing but graphic witness evidence of torture and summary execution.
"I swear by God I walked by a room and on my left I saw a grinder with blood coming out of it and human hair underneath," said 38-year-old Ahmed Hassan, who said he had been kept in room 63 at the Hakmiya intelligence headquarters in Baghdad. Reuters, 12.5.05

Hipsters! Knock Me Your Lobes!

You know Iraq was no threat to the United States of America until we invaded. I mean they're not even a threat to the United States of America. Iraq was not involved in 9-11, Iraq was not a terrorist state.
--C. Sheehan, intel operative, as quoted by Arthur Koestler

Zimbabwe's descent into misery

The nation's economic meltdown seems to have broken the spirit of its people, write Xan Rice and Jan Raath
05 Dec 05
IN CHITUNGWIZA, a dormitory town that is home to more than a million black Zimbabweans, a breeze is a curse. It shifts the rotting rubbish in front of the tiny houses. And it laces the air with the stench of human waste, which drifts in thin dark rivers in the streets.

"We are sitting on a time bomb," said the Mayor of Chitungwiza, Misheck Shoko, as he gestured towards a concrete pipe spewing thick brown effluent into a stream outside the town's main sewage treatment plant. The stream feeds the Manyame Dam, which supplies the capital, Harare, with its water.

"It's a miracle there have not been more outbreaks of disease," he said.

Across Zimbabwe, the scene is the same: townships that were once claimed as models for Africa have become stinking health hazards. The big cities are not much better. Some parts of Bulawayo have not had water for seven weeks. Refuse collection in Harare is sporadic. Power failures are routine.

In small towns such as Bindura and Shamva to the north, rubbish is collected by ox wagon. Zimbabwe is fast sinking into the past.

The meltdown of one of the continent's best infrastructures has been years in the making, the result of underinvestment and mismanagement. But the speed of the decline over the past few months has been astonishing. Zimbabweans long accustomed to hardship cannot remember a worse time.

Dispatches from the Paris-Chinese Border

I'm not saying I will, but I could go on for hours escorting the reader--forcibly, if necessary--back and forth across the Paris-Chinese border. I happen to regard the Laughing Man as some kind of super-distinguished ancestor of mine--a sort of Robert E. Lee, say, with the ascribed virtues held under water or blood. And this illusion is only a moderate one compared to the one I had in 1928, when I regarded myself not only as the Laughing Man's direct descendant but as his only legitimate living one.